It's a Shittacular Life
by samlover14
Summary: From Artie's It's a Wonderful Life AU from episode 4x10, the Dalton Companion. "Who's Blaine?" You'll find out. Join Blaine in the journey to put this AU back together. You'll meet Rachel, McKinley High librarian, part-time lowkey singer; Kurt, a constantly bullied nervous barista at the Lima Bean; and more. Seblaine, Niff, Hunter/Rachel (whatever that's called), and more.
1. Chapter 1: Who's Blaine?

**A/N: Hello, my wonderful readers. I love you all, as always. Welcome to my new multi-chaptered project.**

**This is part of Artie's It's a Wonderful Life AU from episode 4x10, the fantastic Dalton Academy companion. The plot is going to be something like... getting Artie's shitty au back on track to real life, I guess, where everyone is friends.  
Pairings: Seblaine, Niff, Hunter/Rachel (maybe), minor other things that I'm not even going to mention because it doesn't matter.**

**In the meantime, you read this, because I'm going to write some more chapters and it's gonna be AWESOME. Also, I've written in a few this-is-what's-happening-cuz-it's-an-alternate-reality things that explain what's going on at Dalton.**

* * *

**_It's a Shittacular Life_  
**

_"__It's a sucky life and just when you think it can't suck any more it does."  
-Phoebe Buffay, Friends Episode 2x20_

_**Chapter One:  
Who's Blaine?  
**_

"Kurt, didn't you graduate?" Artie asked.

"I should've, but I couldn't bear coming to school more than twice a week because of all the bullying. All the homeschooling set me back a year," Kurt explained.

"What does Blaine say about that?" Artie asked.

"Who's Blaine?"

* * *

Blaine's head snapped up.

"Did someone say something?" he asked.

"Are you feeling alright?" Sebastian asked.

"Thought someone said my name," Blaine shrugged and returned to his textbook.

"Is something bothering you, babe?" Sebastian asked. "Studying is so unlike you."

"Sometimes I just feel like something's missing from my life," Blaine sighed, slamming his psychology book shut. "Like I was supposed to do something else."

"Is this your sideways way of telling me you want to break up?" Sebastian asked.

"Don't be stupid," Blaine replied. "Just this psyche class messing with my head."

"Do we need to call an impromptu Warbler concert?" Sebastian asked.

"Not right now," Blaine said. "I need to get this worksheet done before my Christmas thing tonight."

"Do you want some help?" Sebastian asked.

"No, I'm fine," Blaine snapped. Then he sighed. "Sorry, baby. I love you."

"I love you too," Sebastian said. His phone buzzed on the table. "It's Jeff. He wants me to help him cook for tonight's party. Cookies or something. Do I look like I know how to cook?"

"Go ahead," Blaine grunted.

"I can't cook!" Sebastian insisted.

"Jeff will teach you. You'll both get covered in flour, then it'll get all awkward when Nick comes in to get a snack and maybe you'll bang their heads together and shout, 'For the love of all that is good and holy, stop fighting and _get back together_!'" Blaine said absently. "Or something to that general effect, I don't know, I haven't given it a lot of thought." He dotted the last period onto his homework and slammed his textbook shut again, then sighed. "I'm so not looking forward to this Christmas thing."

"Why not?"

"I just know my partner this year won't be very good," Blaine sighed. "As always, you would be a hell of a lot better." He smiled at Sebastian, who laughed a smirk back.

"Too bad they'd never let us sing together," he said.

"Maybe someday," Blaine said. "Outside of Ohio there _are_ places that are tolerant of alternative cultures."

"Right," Sebastian laughed sarcastically. "There's really a place where two men singing a duet of _Baby It's Cold Outside_ is really acceptable."

"I'm not doing _Baby It's Cold Outside_ this year," Blaine said.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I'm doing some song called _Extraordinary Merry Christmas_," Blaine continued. "I think it's an upgrade? I'm not sure."

"Never heard of it," Sebastian said.

"It's pretty upbeat and it has a good dance element, I guess," Blaine shrugged. "Apparently my old partner was too tall for me, and they found me someone shorter."

"Too tall for you?" Sebastian laughed. "How tall was she, 7-foot-3?"

"I don't know," Blaine said. He checked his watch. "I have to be at sound check in an hour. I better get going. How do I look?"

"Dapper. Dashing. Debonair."

"Perfect."

* * *

"Blaine! _Blaine!_ Finally, you're here. Sound check started five minutes ago, where have you _been_?"

"Traffic! I'm sorry, really," Blaine apologized, running into the room, straightening his tie. "I'm ready to go, I warmed up on the way. Show me my partner and we will rock the night away."

"Blaine, this is Rachel. Rachel, Blaine."

Blaine looked at her. She _was_ shorter than him, even in her heels. She had dark brown hair, glasses, and was wearing a blue polka dotted dress. And even though he'd never seen her before in his life, she seemed familiar.

"Hi, Rachel, it's nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Rachel replied. She looked nervous. _Really nervous._ But that wasn't right. Rachel Berry didn't get stage fright. What?

"What are you nervous for?" Blaine asked, smiling. She looked even more alarmed at that. "I'm sure you're a rock star."

"No, no," Rachel said quickly. "I've never even had a solo before, I still can't believe they chose me to sing with you."

"What, like I'm famous or something?" Blaine asked.

"You're Blaine Anderson, lead singer of the Dalton Academy Warblers," Rachel said. "I follow show choirs exclusively in my spare time. You're National Champions."

"Oh, um, yeah, I guess we are," Blaine admitted. "I'm sure you're very talented, have you ever been in a production?"

"I was in the chorus of the Music Man," Rachel said.

"You'll do great," Blaine said, smiling.

* * *

"I don't know how to cook!" Sebastian practically yelled. "Get it through your damn thick skull." He sat down on the stepstool next to the island in the senior's kitchen.

"I will teach you if you stop being so goddamn difficult," Jeff said through gritted teeth. "Don't you want to impress Blaine someday?"

"I plan on having a 24 hour chef on hand to do that sort of thing," Sebastian scoffed. "It's one of the _many_ perks of being obscenely wealthy, not that you would know anything about _that_."

"Sebastian, honestly," Hunter interjected, rolling his eyes. "Not everything is about money." (Playing with the idea of things being different in Artie's _It's a Shittacular Life_ fantasy dream sequence, I have created this story for Hunter: Upon learning that the Warblers were the number one show choir in the country, Hunter had begged his parents to let him transfer. Being the kind, compassionate, totally-cool-with-whatever-Hunter-wants-to-do-with-his-life-even-being-gay-even-though-I'm-not-really-sure-what-he-is-yet type of people they are in this fantasy, Mr. and Mrs. Clarington paid for Hunter to move to Ohio from Colorado Springs to join the top-rated Warblers. But Blaine was Captain, and that wasn't changing. Even though I'm not really sure how _Artie not being in a wheelchair and not causing the start of a Glee Club at McKinley High_ would influence anything at all to do with Hunter besides him not getting a scholarship to take the totally awesome (and most importantly drug-free) Warblers to number one, since they are three-time National champions. At least. Artie's wheelchair probably affected Vocal Adrenaline in some way too. That whole butterfly thing.)

"Don't be jealous because I can buy and sell your entire family eight times before dessert," Sebastian snipped. "And still make a profit, I assure you."

"Cookies are really easy," Jeff intervened. "I already have the dough, so essentially, you roll it out and use the cutters to make delightful Christmas shapes, then we lay them on the pan, and shove them in the oven for like 10 minutes and according to my recipe they should be done. We also have sprinkles if you like."

"I prefer chocolate chip," Sebastian said.

"Too bad," Jeff replied. "Why can't you just be normal?"

"Why can't you and Nick just admit you want to be with each other?" Sebastian replied. Nick looked up from the corner where he was fiddling with the oven.

"Um…" Nick said, casting an eye in Jeff's direction, but not quite meeting Jeff's gaze. (Because Artie's Shittacular Life seems to affect things that make no sense whatsoever, if Kurt never came to Dalton, then Nick and Jeff wouldn't have gotten together during the Sexy lesson **_when I firmly believe they got together_**, because there was no Sexy lesson, because Sue wouldn't have told Kurt and Blaine about the Sexy lesson, because there _was no Sexy lesson_, because there is no Glee club. After Sebastian came to Dalton, though, since no Uptown Girl, no Michael… Oh my God, I'm gonna cry. _No Uptown Girl_. My inner Niff is screaming. I feel like at some point _someone_ would have noticed Nick and Jeff belonged together/wanted to be more than friends, maybe Sebastian, but possibly Hunter, so Thad and Blaine hooked them up, but it was awkward for them, and they broke up. But Niff thought being together was going to ruin their friendship and it almost, at this point, has. Jeff is currently single; Nick is considering seeing a girl from Crawford Country Day, they have a date set up for Christmas Eve at Breadstix, but he's on the fence about it. He wants Jeff to stay his best friend, but you know, he can't just be alone the rest of his life, they're both going to have to find someone eventually.)

"We're making _cookies_, Sebastian," Jeff said, although it was obvious he was hurt by the question. "If you don't want to be helpful, then get out." Sebastian slammed the rolling pin on the counter and stormed out of the kitchen.

* * *

Rachel had a spectacular voice, and Blaine actually really liked her as a person, even though he felt he shouldn't because he thought she was probably really annoying. Still, two hours after the performance, they'd ended up at the Lima Bean over coffee, and it felt like a _date_ even though Blaine had a boyfriend, and Rachel was… did Rachel have a boyfriend?

"So, do you have a boyfriend, Rachel?" Blaine asked.

"Oh, no, certainly not," Rachel said. "I could never work up the courage to ask out a boy."

"I'm sure I could get you a date if there's someone you've got your eye on," Blaine said, winking at her (because in Artie's Shittacular Reality, he's suddenly able to wink), then casting an eye around the coffee shop for anyone who might be even close to an acceptable date for her. There was the barista, but he was incredibly shy and, please, let's be honest, totally gay, and a few jocks with their cheerleaders in the corner booth.

"I don't know," Rachel said. "Someday I'll just meet a guy, and I'll know, right?" She looked at Blaine. He cleared his throat.

"More coffee?" he asked, getting up and shaking his empty coffee cup. She shook her head indicating she wasn't finished her first yet, but Blaine went up to the counter to order another medium drip for himself, when suddenly:

"Hey, Super Homo!" one of the jocks in the corner booth (cough, Ryder, cough) yelled.

"Yeah?" Blaine answered almost automatically, turning to face the jocks.

"Not you, the other one," Jake sneered.

"My iced latte's too cold," Kitty said, holding it up. The cute, but unfortunately gay barista scurried over to retrieve it from her to make a new one.

"It's an _iced latte_," Blaine said, walking a few steps towards the table with the jocks in it.

"It's an iced latte that's too cold," Kitty said. Blaine looked from Kitty to the barista, who was diligently making another iced latte.

"It's supposed to be cold," Blaine said. "It's made of ice. Just like you."

"Ooh, superhomo did not," Sam said.

"Superhomo did," Ryder replied. Sam, Ryder, and Jake stood up to face Blaine. They were all taller than him, and Blaine didn't like his odds, but decided to go for it anyway.

"I have a name," Blaine said, "and I'm sure he does too." Kurt handed the new latte to Kitty and pressed a medium drip into Blaine's hands before ducking for cover behind the counter again.

"You do have a name, it's superhomo," Ryder said. The door to the shop dinged open, and there stood the last person anyone in that shop would have wanted to see… if this was the real world. In Artie's Shittacular Life, Blaine was very happy to see his boyfriend walking into the shop.

"Hey, d-bags," Sebastian said to Sam, Ryder, and Jake. "Back off. I know he's cute, but he's mine." Sebastian slung an arm around Blaine's shoulders and ordered something complex from the barista before steering him back to the other side of the shop. "B, you really have to stop picking fights."

"You can't just run from homophobia, Sebastian," Blaine said, dragging him into a seat at the table where Rachel was still seated, watching the scene unfold. "Rachel, this is my boyfriend, Sebastian. He's really a big sweetie, I swear."

"Nice to meet you," Rachel said, extending her hand to shake his. In true gentleman fashion, because Sebastian Smythe would never be anything less, he placed a small kiss to the top of her hand.

"_Enchanté_," Sebastian said. The absolutely _fabulous_ barista walked over to deliver Sebastian's triple-frappa-malted-mocha-chini-ato-whatever-I-don't-know-coffee.

"Hey," Blaine said to him. I don't think anyone at this point is surprised that it's Kurt.

"Hi," Kurt said nervously.

"My name's Blaine," Blaine said.

"Kurt," Kurt replied.

"Well, Kurt, it's very nice to meet you," Blaine said. Sebastian pinched his butt just then and he squeaked. "This is Sebastian, my boyfriend, and do you know Rachel?"

"We've met," Rachel said, "a few times sophomore year."

"I have to, um…" Kurt said, looking over his shoulder at the giant mess the jocks had left behind.

"Sure, sure," Blaine said. Kurt scurried away.

"Lucky I showed up to save your ass," Sebastian smirked.

"I could have taken them," Blaine said. "I'm too adorable to hit anyway."

"Not what the last three guys thought," Sebastian reminded him. Blaine scowled. He still couldn't believe Sebastian had weaseled that story out of him.

"Weren't you supposed to be cooking for the party tonight?" Blaine asked.

"I don't know how to cook," Sebastian said. "Besides, once I pitched the idea of Nick and Jeff getting back together, they all but threw me out. So I decided to get a coffee."

"You drove all the way to Lima to get a coffee," Blaine said. "Hun, there are coffee shops in Westerville. There's actually a place on campus to get coffee." Sebastian huffed and Blaine looked at Rachel. "I'm so sorry, Rachel, I'm being so rude, ignoring you like this. Tell us about yourself."

"I've been singing and dancing since I was about two years old, but I've never gotten the lead in any production, I've never even had a solo," Rachel said. "When I'm not practicing, I run my show choir devoted blog."

"A… blog… for show choirs," Sebastian said.

"I wrote an article on the Warblers after you won Nationals last year," Rachel said. "Your interpretation of the vintage theme with disco was very inspiring."

"Didn't Hunter say he read about us on a blog?" Sebastian asked.

"What are the odds _Hunter_ reads her blog?" Blaine asked.

"I have a following of 243 people, if you must know," Rachel said.

"It can't be a coincidence, can it?" Sebastian asked Blaine.

"You didn't, by any chance, happen to mention that the Warblers are 'total cutiepies in their blazers and their pants', did you?" Blaine asked Rachel. Rachel blushed.

"It just sounds silly out of context," she said.

"Same blog," Sebastian and Blaine said at the same time.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed, leave me a review telling me you want me to keep writing it. It'll be good, I promise.**

**Samantha.  
**


	2. Chapter 2: Coming Out Of The Closet

**A/N: Here, have another chapter while I'm on lunch break. I've kind of paused writing this for a second to do Huntbastian week (and I have another multi chaptered fic on the way), but I will get back into it like right now, I promise. In the meantime, have another chapter. :D**

* * *

**Chapter Two:  
Coming Out Of The Closet**

"We met the girl of your dreams," Blaine told Hunter. Hunter and Sebastian were roommates at Dalton, and Blaine lived in their room 98 percent of the time.

"Remember the article you said you read that tipped you off about transferring here?" Sebastian asked. "She wrote it."

"You found me a creepy internet girl," Hunter said.

"No, she lives in Lima, and she's Blaine new duet partner," Sebastian said. "She will _love_ you."

"Why?" Hunter asked suspiciously.

"We are meeting her at Breadstix on Christmas Eve," Blaine said. "She's really nice, come on, Hunt."

"How do you even know I like girls?" Hunter asked. Blaine looked at Sebastian and Sebastian shrugged.

"That's a good point, Hunt," Sebastian finally said. "Do you like girls?"

"Yes…"

"Would you like a date for the Christmas Eve party at Breadstix?"

"Uh… yeah."

"Good. Her name's Rachel Berry," Blaine said. "You'll love her, I promise. Wear your uniform. Now onto bigger and better things."

"Namely?" Sebastian prompted.

"Nick and Jeff," Blaine said.

"Well, they're the evil masterminds of the school, they must have a good idea on how to get them back together," Hunter said.

"I don't even…" Blaine said to Sebastian.

"Seriously, why do we talk to you?" Sebastian asked. Hunter held his hands up in surrender. A knock on the door. Sebastian went to get it. There was Thad, holding a coil of rope and a key.

"I have a plan."

"I like this plan already," Sebastian said. "And while I am obviously a giant fan of rope…" He winked at Blaine over his shoulder. "…I'll trade you for something simpler." He pulled a pair of handcuffs from the back pocket of his jeans.

"Let's rock and roll," Thad said.

Nick and Jeff were roommates. They'd been roommates since they started at Dalton. Their room was next door to Hunter and Sebastian's, but they only used it for sleeping these days, as their friendship had become strained – very strained. Their room was silent – very silent – totally silent. They never hung out together alone, always asking a passing Hunter or Trent or Thad to join their silent party.

Like with the cookies. Nick and Jeff used to love to bake together, before they fell apart. They used to conduct ridiculous schemes, but they hadn't in weeks. They were in the common room now, though.

Sebastian walked into the common room, deftly stepped to the left of Jeff and closed one of the handcuffs around his right wrist, then spun around and connected the other cuff to Nick's left one. Then Hunter stepped up, dragged the shocked Nick and Jeff into the adjoining small closet-sized room, and Thad locked the door.

Loud protests came from inside the closet, begging Sebastian or Blaine or anyone listening to let them out. Eventually they died out. Thad decided to stand watch over the door, just in case one of their detainees spazzed out and needed medical attention. Sebastian, Blaine, and Hunter went back to their room with a tin of cookies.

Jeff sighed. He'd been avoiding Nick for weeks now. Their breakup had been alright, but then Nick had been hanging out with some _girl_ and Jeff was… not okay.

"Well," Nick finally said, sitting against the farthest wall from the door. "They're not letting us out." Jeff, having forgotten he was still handcuffed to Nick, fell over as Nick sat, and ended up on top of him. Jeff cleared his throat and righted himself, sitting to the left of Nick so their cuffed hands were next to each other.

"And we baked them cookies too," Jeff said, trying to lighten the mood. "Those ungrateful jerks." Nick didn't laugh. Jeff looked at his shoes, or would have, if there was any light in the closet.

"We both know why they put us in here," Nick said, still not laughing or even smiling, just dead serious.

"Yeah," Jeff agreed, still staring in the direction he knew his shoes were.

"And we both know they're not going to let us out until they get what they want," Nick said. Jeff didn't reply. What felt like ten minutes went by, but it was probably only 45 seconds.

"I'm scared of the dark, Nicky," Jeff said quietly. Nick took his cell phone out of his pocket and fiddled with it for a second so the backlight stayed on, and set it in the corner between them. "How could you agree to a date with Nichole?" Nick sighed.

"It wasn't intentional," he said. "We were just hanging out, then she asked me to Breadstix."

"Why did you say yes?" Jeff asked.

"I am… searching, Jeff," Nick said. "I'm honestly just trying to figure out who I am."

"Then what am I?" Jeff asked.

"You are Jeffrey Sterling, my best friend in the whole world," Nick said.

"No," Jeff huffed. There was even more silence. It seemed to stretch on for days, which was probably about three minutes.

"I really want you to stay my best friend," Nick said. "We've been best friends for fifteen years."

"And how many of those do you think I've been in love with you?" Jeff shot back, immediately wishing he could take it back.

"I don't know," Nick replied quietly, "you never told me." Jeff didn't respond. "Jeff?"

"What," Jeff grunted.

"I love you too."

* * *

"It's possible that locking two people in a closet is illegal," Blaine said to Sebastian.

"Not only that, they have my good handcuffs," Sebastian replied.

"I'm still mad at you for leaving me there with them," Hunter said. "I don't know how to cook any better than you do."

"I couldn't very well take you to the Lima Bean," Sebastian said. "They all but got a restraining order on you when you flipped out about the Splenda. Dude thought you were on roids or something."

"It tastes like pencils!" Hunter shouted. "Why are they putting pencils in my latte?"

"Okay, calm down," Blaine said. "Have a cookie. There are coffee shops in Westerville you're still allowed in, don't blow it." Hunter bitterly took one of the bell-shaped cookies from the tin and munched on it.

"How do you even know what pencils taste like?" Sebastian asked.

"I was a child once," Hunter replied, mouth full of cookie.

"I just thought of the perfect Christmas gift for Hunter," Sebastian cooed.

"I'll go in on that with you, I couldn't think of anything," Blaine said. Hunter frowned.

"We have to get each other presents?" Hunter asked.

"We are roommates, it is customary," Sebastian said. "Blaine got you a date, after all, and he's not really even your roommate."

"And yet here he is, in our room," Hunter said.

"Alright, then, good point," Sebastian said. "Good night, baby, I looove you." He kissed Blaine on the lips and Blaine laughed.

"I love you, too, sweetheart," Blaine replied, taking his cue to leave the room.

* * *

"It's just, how can you love me and still not be sure about _you_?" Jeff asked.

"Because I am 100 percent sure that I am in love with you and it's easier for me to believe in you than in me," Nick said. "I don't know what I'm doing. I pretend like I do, and I know how to act it out in song, but the truth is… I am so scared of screwing this thing up with you."

"If… if you are still in love with me after your date with Nichole, then what?" Jeff asked quietly.

"I'm still in love with you right now," Nick said. "What makes you think a girl I barely know is going to change my mind?" By the light of the cell phone, Jeff could barely make out Nick smiling at him brightly. Jeff couldn't contain himself, he leaned over and kissed Nick, intensely. The want had been pent up inside him for weeks.

"Nicky?" Jeff finally asked, breathlessly.

"Yeah?" Nick replied.

"Why did we break up?"

"I can't remember."

They continued their heated romance in the closet for quite some time. Thad began to feel dirty (not that he minded), but unlocked the door, leaving it shut, and went to bed. When Nick and Jeff woke up the next morning, stiff from spending the night on the floor of the closet, the first thing Nick did was kiss Jeff, to remind them both that this is how it was going to be.

* * *

**A/N: I love Niff. I swear it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Niffler for life, yo.**

**Tell me what you're thinking about this chapter? Hunter/Rachel next chapter: Disaster at Breadstix!**

**Samantha.**

**Also, I tried some Splenda that I found at work. It tastes like pencils. I threw a Hunteresque fit in the associate lounge. No one understood.  
**


	3. Chapter 3: The Splenda Wars

**A/N: Okay, so I lied about the disaster at Breadstix. But there is Breadstix here! And a lot of other crap, I found the plot of this story finally. So, enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Three:  
The Splenda Wars**

"Are you sure this is dressy enough?" Hunter asked, as Sebastian and Blaine practically pushed him across the parking lot at Breadstix.

"Yes!" Sebastian and Blaine insisted at once.

"There she is," Blaine said, pointing across the room to Rachel sitting at a booth demurely by herself.

"I- I don't know about this," Hunter said, trying to turn around and leave.

"Stop it," Sebastian said. "Man up."

"She'll love you," Blaine said. "You're amazing." He gave Hunter one final push towards Rachel, rolled his eyes, and pulled Sebastian into their booth with Nick and Jeff.

"Hi," Hunter said. Rachel looked up. It looked as though she had attempted to dress up nicely – she was wearing a reindeer sweater (perfect for Christmas!) and a plaid skirt. It was cute. Hunter was only wearing his Dalton uniform, his wool coat, and red plaid scarf.

"Hello," Rachel replied.

"I'm Hunter Clarington," Hunter said, sitting down across from Rachel. "Blaine's my… nothing. I don't even know him. Forget about that guy." Rachel laughed.

"Rachel Berry," she replied. "Very nice to meet you. So, you read my blog?" Hunter blushed.

"Seriously, can we switch sides of the booth? If I have to watch Hunter embarrass himself like this, I may vomit," Sebastian said.

"Shush, I'm sure he'll do fine," Blaine said. "And hello, you two." Nick and Jeff detached from each other and looked up.

"Oh, hey," Jeff said, before diving back in. Nick laughed and kept him at bay.

"Cancelled your date, then?" Sebastian asked.

"Not exactly…" Nick said.

"She showed up twenty minutes ago, saw us, threw a hissy fit, and stormed out," Jeff explained.

"I think it went well," Nick shrugged.

"You're a goober," Jeff replied, kissing him again. That was the last thing they said for a while.

"Alright, good," Sebastian said. "Please tell me we aren't that disgusting."

"We're not that disgusting," Blaine replied. "In public." Sebastian laughed. The bell on the door dinged, and into the restaurant walked Kurt. "Oh, good, he's here! Kurt!" Kurt spotted Blaine waving and hurried over to him. "Kurt, this is… never mind them. Pull up a chair."

"Hello, Kurt," Sebastian said.

"Hi, hi," Kurt breathed.

"Kurt is my new best friend," Blaine informed Sebastian.

"I thought I was your best friend," came a voice from inside the tangle that was Niff. To this day, no one's really sure who it came from.

"Kurt is my new best friend," Blaine repeated. "We're best friends, right Kurt?"

"Sure," Kurt said The bell dinged again, and in came the McKinley football team. "Uh-oh…"

"Ignore them," Blaine said. "Prejudice is just ignorance. Plus, I think Sebastian could take all of them except the one with the Mohawk. He's intimidating."

"Take them all at once or in a row?" Sebastian asked.

"Either," Blaine said, grinning. Sebastian rolled his eyes. The men of McKinley saw Nick and Jeff, then Blaine, then Sebastian… they decided to sit on the other side of the restaurant. "See?"

"I'm just so tired of being terrified," Kurt said. "Every day, I…" He shook his head.

"Well, I'd say drop everything and come to Dalton, but it is not cheap and not everyone has that kind of money," Blaine said.

"Zero-tolerance harassment policy," someone in the Niff structure called out.

"It's pretty nice," Blaine said. "There is another option, though, Kurt. You can refuse to be the victim. You have the courage inside you to stand up for yourself, I know you do."

"No, I don't," Kurt said, shaking his head.

"Yes, you do," Blaine said. "You're my best friend, Kurt. I know you."

"We just met three days ago," Kurt said. Blaine shrugged.

"Trust me."

* * *

"Merry Christmas, love," Sebastian said, rolling over and putting his arms around his bed partner.

"Nngh," came the reply. Sebastian planted a kiss to the other's forehead before realizing that his boyfriend's soft curls were not attached to the head of the person in bed with him.

"Hey!" Sebastian yelled. Hunter jumped, got caught up in the blanket and fell out of bed.

"Oh, good morning," Blaine said, amused, from across the room on the futon, eating popcorn and watching television.

"Hey!" Sebastian yelled again.

"Yeah, I thought that was weird," Blaine remarked. "I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, came back, and there he was."

"Stay out of my bed," Sebastian frowned. Hunter sputtered and got up from the floor.

"I promise you I did nothing of the sort," Hunter replied, loftily.

"Right, this is _my_ bed," Sebastian said.

"Sorry," Hunter muttered, still entangled in the sheet, but nonetheless disappearing into the adjoined bathroom.

"Jesus," Sebastian said, wading out of the mess of blankets to sit next to his boyfriend. "Merry Christmas, love."

"Merry Christmas," Blaine replied.

"Got any plans for today?" Sebastian asked.

"Only giving you your present," Blaine replied, cheekily, then winking. "And ice skating with Kurt."

"What is it with this Kurt character?" Sebastian asked.

"Do you not like him?" Blaine asked, concerned.

"I like him fine, I don't like how much you like him."

"You're my boyfriend, and ain't nothing gonna change that," Blaine said, kissing Sebastian's cheek softly. "I'm not allowed to have friends?"

"Of course you are, honey," Sebastian said. "But ice skating? That's so… I hate to use this as an adjective, but I really have no other word for it… Gay."

"Well, I am, so are you, and I thought that was alright," Blaine replied. "Nick and Jeff are going, I invited Hunter to come with, and he's game, you're welcome to tag along. I just thought you wouldn't want to."

"No, I'll go," Sebastian said. "What's my present?"

"It's in my room," Blaine said.

"Is it what I wanted?" Sebastian asked.

"It sure is," Blaine grinned.

"Sexy," Sebastian said, also grinning. "I got Hunter's, it's all wrapped up on top of my bureau, there."

"And what about mine?" Blaine asked.

"Oh, honey, all you gotta do is ask," Sebastian purred. Blaine grinned. "D'you suppose Hunter got us anything?"

"Don't really care," Blaine shrugged. "I'm surprised he didn't go home."

"You got him a date!" Sebastian reminded him. "Can't miss that kind of chance. Plus, he voluntarily transferred out of military school to join the top-rated show choir in the country. That kid's weird."

"Am not," Hunter mumbled, returning from the bathroom.

"Hunter!" Blaine exclaimed. "Merry Christmas. I hope you enjoyed your gift."

"I did, very much, thank you. Rachel is lovely. We're seeing each other for New Years," Hunter replied.

"I got you a present too, Hunt!" Sebastian exclaimed. He bounded across the room and threw the box to Hunter, who caught it easily. Hunter shook it and glared at Sebastian. Sebastian grinned wide.

"This better not fucking be…" Hunter began, before ripping the paper off it. "It is."

"Yay!" Sebastian said, clapping happily. Hunter threw the box of Splenda packets back at Sebastian, who caught it, opened it, and started throwing the packets back at Hunter.

"No, come on, stop it! I freaking _hate_ Splenda!" Hunter yelled.

"It's just sugar," Blaine said, rolling his eyes.

"No! Sugar comes in the brown packets, this stuff tastes like pencils!" Hunter insisted, running around in small circles to avoid being hit with the packets.

"Oh, that reminds me!" Sebastian said, pausing his aerial assault for a moment. "I got you some pencils to put in your coffee too, they're on your desk."

"I hate you," Hunter said, picking up a few of the yellow packets and throwing them back at Sebastian.

"You _love_ me," Sebastian laughed, tackling Hunter to the ground playfully and opening a few of the yellow packets into Hunter's hair and face. Hunter shouted, trying to scratch Sebastian. Mr. Puss jumped to valiantly defend his owner. "Ow! Jesus, Hunter, keep your cat under control." Sebastian relinquished his hold on Hunter, but it was too late, Mr. Puss had made a mess of all the packets on the floor, and there was Splenda everywhere.

* * *

"I'm tired already," Sebastian complained.

"Shouldn't have gotten my room covered in Splenda," Hunter replied.

"It's _our_ room, and shut up, it was totally worth it," Sebastian replied.

"There he is! Kurt, over here!" Blaine shouted. Kurt smiled and hurried over to Blaine, ice skates over his shoulder. Nick and Jeff were already on the ice.

"Hi Blaine," Kurt said. "Thank you for inviting me. It's very civilized of you."

"We're nothing if not civilized," Blaine replied. "Plus how many dumb jocks are you going to see at an ice skating rink?" Kurt smiled a little. "Get your skates on, let's go!"

_Bee-doobie-dum-doo-doo, doo-doo  
I'm dreaming of a White Christmas  
Just like the ones I used to know…_

Blaine skated around the rink happily, and Sebastian chimed in to the duet, at least until Nick and Jeff skated right into him on purpose, knocking him over. Hunter skated over to them and joined the pile. Blaine laughed and skated over to Kurt, circling around him, easily.

"Want to finish the duet with me?" Blaine asked.

"Oh, no, I couldn't," Kurt said.

"I'm sure you're a fabulous singer, Mr. Hummel," Blaine said. "Come on, I know you want to." Blaine began singing again, waiting for Kurt to join him, which he did eventually, skating around the rink and singing lightheartedly. But even good things come to an end.

"Thanks for today, Blaine," Kurt said, softly. "I had a lot of fun."

"You're welcome," Blaine said. "Anytime. I'll see you at the Lima Bean, right?"

"Yes," Kurt smiled.

"Remember, Kurt," Blaine said. "Courage." Kurt smiled, and the two parted ways.

* * *

Blaine's phone rang on his desk, Sebastian picked it up (Blaine was in the shower).

"Hello?" Sebastian asked. The voice on the other end talked very fast. "Slow down, this is Sebastian, Blaine's boyfriend, what's going on? … Oh my God." The voice babbled some more. "Thank you for letting us know." Sebastian was stony white and dropped his hand from his ear. Blaine walked out of the shower, towel around his waist and noticed his boyfriend standing there, phone in his hand.

"What happened?" Blaine asked.

"It's Kurt," Sebastian said. "He's in the hospital. A bunch of guys beat him up."

* * *

**A/N: Is it wrong to write incredibly dirty Niff smut in class? Because that's what I'm doing. (It's not for this story, in fact, I'm not even ever going to type it out of my notebook. I'm self-conscious enough about my writing as it is.) ANYHOW. I'm working to get this story up and running, and LOOK I FOUND SOME PLOT FOR IT! Wheeeee. **

**I love you all, leave me reviews.**

**Samantha.**


	4. Chapter 4: New Year's Rockin Eve

**A/N: OH MY GOD I AM THE WORST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE. Why didn't anyone remind me about that cliffhanger? I forgot. :( I'm sorry. Forgive me? Please?**

* * *

**Chapter Four: New Year's Rockin Eve**

"It's Kurt," Sebastian said. "He's in the hospital. A bunch of guys beat him up."

Blaine sunk to his knees involuntarily. The knees just simply refused to hold him up anymore. And then he cried. Sebastian quickly moved to comfort his boyfriend.

"It's all my fault," Blaine cried.

"No, it isn't," Sebastian soothed.

"Yes, it is, I told him to stand up for himself," Blaine cried. "Is he alright? Where is he? Can we go now?"

"Sure, sure, get dressed, we'll go," Sebastian said. Blaine seemed incapable of getting up from the floor, so Sebastian fetched a polo and a pair of Blaine's favorite jeans from the closet and helped him get dressed, then helped him from the dorms to Sebastian's car, then drove to the hospital in Lima where Kurt was. Blaine was still shaking when they got up to Kurt's room. "Go on, I'll be right here," Sebastian told Blaine when they were standing outside the door.

"You're not coming in?" Blaine asked.

"We don't exactly see eye-to-eye," Sebastian admitted. "It'd be better if you went in yourself."

"No, I want you with me," Blaine said, his hands grabbing onto the fabric of Sebastian's coat like he would float away if he didn't hold onto him.

"Okay, fine," Sebastian said, knocking softly on Kurt's door before walking inside, Blaine attached to him.

"Kurt?" Blaine called in a whisper. Kurt's eyes fluttered open in the bed. He immediately turned a little pinker, and the heart monitor beeped a little faster than it had before, which only made Kurt more flustered. "Hey."

"Hey," Kurt said. There was a long silence. Sebastian guided Blaine into a chair next to Kurt's head, then moved to flutter awkwardly near the door. The silence dragged on and on, just the sound of Sebastian pacing and the beeps of the monitor.

"Somebody say _something_!" Sebastian finally burst out. "_Oh, Kurt, I'm so glad you're alright_. 'You're here, Blaine, that's all that matters to me.' Something!" Blaine snorted at Sebastian's impression of Kurt, the heightened voice.

"Alright," Blaine said. "Kurt, I'm really glad you're okay. Tell me what happened, anything, everything."

"It… there was so many of them," Kurt said quietly. "Ryder, Jake, Puck, Sam, Finn, Mike… and-and Karofsky…"

"Wait, who's Karofsky?" Blaine asked.

"Dave Karofsky?" Sebastian asked, turning to Kurt. Kurt nodded. "We know him."

"He's a teddy bear, really, did he do this to you?" Blaine asked. Kurt shook his head.

"N-no, he tried to help me," Kurt said. "He's always tried to help. David's my friend." (Artie's Shittacular Reality frigs up errrrvrythang.) "But he graduated, and I should have too but… I didn't. He's not around as much anymore."

"I'm so sorry, Kurt," Blaine said.

"Why are you sorry?" Kurt asked. "Did you tell them to beat the gay out of me?"

"I told you to stand up for yourself," Blaine said.

"I don't always have to take the advice of total strangers in dreamy blazers," Kurt replied.

"We've been over this, you love the blazer," Blaine said, smiling.

"I do," Kurt admitted. "I see you're not wearing it today. Didn't realize you had any other clothes."

"Sebastian dressed me," Blaine replied as if that was a good reason to be dressed so sloppily. "And he doesn't know how to tie a tie, let alone match colors." Kurt smiled for a second before shifting on his bed, then wincing in pain. "I am really, really sorry."

"It's not your fault," Kurt insisted.

"What do your parents say?" Blaine asked.

"My dad loves me and everything, but he can only do so much," Kurt said. "He tried talking to Principal Figgins about bullies, but there was nothing he could really _do_, you know? Especially outside school…"

"You have to be safe," Blaine said. "You have to transfer to Dalton, you'll be safe with us."

"It's too expensive," Kurt said. "My dad owns a tire store, and he's had his own bad health lately."

"There are scholarships, we'll find a way," Blaine said.

"You barely know me," Kurt said. "We just met."

"I feel like I've known you forever," Blaine said. "For a thousand years, at least."

* * *

Blaine's phone vibrated on his desk, he picked it up to read the text message, then beamed.

"It's Kurt. Dalton's admitted him, no problem, and he says he's got a full scholarship!" Blaine exclaimed happily.

"Really?" Sebastian asked. "How convenient is that?"

"He's moving in here, he's gonna be my roommate!" Blaine squeaked. "A roommate! For me!"

"What is it with you and this kid?" Sebastian asked. "We've known him ten days, at the maximum."

"I just feel like he's supposed to be part of my life," Blaine said. "Same with Rachel, I mean, she's annoying, but I really like her. And Hunter just _adores_ her. She's coming to the New Year's party tonight. Maybe you'll get to watch us do a duet."

"Is Kurt coming to the party?" Sebastian asked.

"I would assume so," Blaine said. "I just wish he wasn't so lonely. I wish I had another friend to hook him up with."

"Just because someone's single doesn't mean they're lonely or even available," Sebastian said. "I was single before I met you and I was doing just fine, thank you very much."

"But being with me is much better than being single, isn't it?" Blaine asked, looking over at his boyfriend of 15 months.

"Of course it is," Sebastian smiled. "I'd rather die than have not met you." Blaine smiled.

* * *

Nick and Jeff threw raging parties, sometimes just for the Warblers, sometimes co-ed with the girls of Crawford Country Day, which this New Year's party was (though it should be noted Nichole boycotted the whole ordeal. I almost feel bad for her, but Nick and Nichole, really? Did she seriously think that was going to work out?).

"Blaine's the laughter you hear," Sebastian said in greeting as Kurt walked into the Warbler practice room where the party was being held. "They're playing spin the bottle."

"Never played it," Kurt said. "Why aren't you playing?"

"I'm a one-man kind of guy," Sebastian said, shrugging. "Not interested in anyone else. Join if you want."

"No thanks," Kurt said. Suddenly, the circle of vaguely intoxicated teenagers began chanting 'Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!' and Sebastian looked up to see his boyfriend attempting to suck that Rachel Berry girl's face off.

"Okay, I think that's enough of that," Sebastian exclaimed, rushing over to them and pulling Blaine out of Rachel's grasp.

"I think this calls for a song!" Jeff said. "Hit it Beatz!" Beatz hit it.

Blaine knew the song very well, it was one of his favorites. Rachel grinned at him, but Sebastian glared at her. She seemed remarkably unfazed.

_You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar  
When I met you  
Don't, don't you want me?  
You know I can't believe it when you say that you don't need me?_

"Why do I get the strangest feeling that I'm going to be best friends with her?" Kurt asked Sebastian.

"Probably because you're both after my man," Sebastian commented, still frowning in the direction of the first co-ed duet the Warblers had ever performed.

"Excuse me?" Kurt said, almost choking on the piece of cookie he'd just bitten off.

"You heard perfectly well," Sebastian said, not moving his eyes from Blaine and Rachel.

"I am not after anyone, least of all Blaine," Kurt said.

"Sorry, it just slipped out," Sebastian said, finally tearing his eyes from the duet to look at Kurt. "Let's be friends?" He extended his hand to Kurt, who took it uneasily, shaking it. "Alright then, first act as my new friend, go break that mess up." Kurt got up and wandered across the room, formulating a plan. Nick and Jeff came to sit on either side of Sebastian on his couch.

"Soo…" Nick grinned.

"So what?" Sebastian asked. "I still don't like him."

"Then why'd you sponsor his scholarship?" Jeff asked.

"Shut it!" Sebastian hissed. "What part of 'and you can never tell anyone ever' did you not understand?"

"I dunno, Nicky, was it the never or the anyone or the ever?" Jeff asked lazily.

"I think it was somewhere around the 'or else I'll chop your balls off'," Nick shrugged. "We didn't tell anyone, don't get your thong in a twist."

"I don't wear–" Sebastian huffed. "Never mind that. Look, I'm in love with Blaine but everyone's entitled to their secrets, and I don't want him or Kurt to know I'm paying for Kurt to go to school here. It'll get all awkward, and he'll feel like he has to pay me back, and ew."

"He could have gotten an _actual_ scholarship," Jeff said. "He is talented."

"I checked with financial aid, there weren't any left," Sebastian replied. "I did what I had to. Blaine's my boyfriend and I would do anything to keep him happy." Nick and Jeff fell silent at that. Sebastian looked over at the center of the party, where Blaine was now singing with Kurt: _Baby It's Cold Outside_. "He sounds just like her."

"And that's the kind of firepower we could really use to take it to another level at Nationals this year," Nick said. "I was hoping to get a solo, but I'm guessing that won't happen, right?"

"Council picks the solos, don't look at me," Sebastian said.

"You're the head of the council," Jeff pointed out.

"So I am!" Sebastian said, clapping. "What song do you want to do, Nicholas?"

"I don't know," Nick said. "Council usually picks the songs."

"And that's me, you're saying," Sebastian pondered. "_Uptown Girl_. Billy Joel. Enjoy." Nick smiled brightly.

"Thanks, Bas, you're the best," he said, patting Sebastian on the shoulder and pulling Jeff to rejoin the party. Sebastian stood up from the couch and marched into the center of the throng, pushing Kurt and Rachel away from his boyfriend, and striking up a flirty duet for the two of them. Rachel cozied up next to Hunter, urging him to chime in with her to make the duet into a quartet. The Warblers and their female companions sang their way through every song on New Year's Rockin Eve (Whistle, Gangnam Style, Glad You Came, Everybody Talks, Boyfriend, etc…), in deep Warbler tradition. Hunter was marginally less than thrilled to sing Whistle again in front of his new girlfriend, but it turned out she'd been in the audience at Sectionals anyway and was a huge fan of his. Creepy.

"Hey, hey, break it up!" Nick finally announced as they all began to riff on Taylor Swift songs. "Two minutes til midnight!"

"Or we could spit it old school style," one of the Warblers suggested.

_Get ready to hum Auld Lang Syne  
Cuz a person that knows the words is hard to find  
First Soul Train line of the year  
Four, three, two, one  
May hip-hop keep blazin the charts  
May the past keep a warm spot in your hearts  
May the future hold more joy than pain  
Hands in the air waiting for confetti to rain_

"Shh! It's coming!" Jeff shushed the rapping Warblers.

_Thirty seconds to midnight_.

The couples all started pairing off. Sebastian and Blaine, Nick and Jeff, Hunter and Rachel… many of the other Warblers had invited their girlfriends as well. Kurt, alone, sat on one of the couches to watch Ryan Seacrest ring in the new year, and he wasn't the only one.

_Ten_.

Sebastian smiled down at Blaine, twirling him around slowly, then dipping him.

_Five._

Hunter and Rachel looked at each other nervously – their first kiss.

_Two._

Nick and Jeff were already kissing, falling into one of the couches.

_One._

"Happy New Year!" everyone shouted.

* * *

**A/N: No cliffhanger this time so if it takes another two months no one will be mad? Right. Good. Kay.**

**If you like this story, let me know with a review, and I'll try my best to keep it updated.**

**Love you patient people.**

**Samantha.**


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